Actress Gabrielle Union recently became a mother to infant Kaavia James after years of multiple miscarriages and failed in vitro fertilization (IVF) treatment. Union and her husband, basketball star Dwyane Wade, found their path to parenthood through surrogacy. Controversy ensued, however, when the actress posted a photograph of herself dressed in a patient gown while lying in a hospital bed snuggling with her precious daughter and husband.
Since a surrogate had given birth to her little girl, many of her fans did not understand that she was bonding with her baby. Their reaction was hurtful, but not surprising since surrogacy is not familiar to most people. Though growing, only several thousand surrogate births occur annually in the U.S. The public may hear more about the rare, sensational story than the happy endings that are the norm.
The desire for bonding and attachment
Like Union, many parents who pursue surrogacy have struggled for years with infertility and genuinely want to experience pregnancy and childbirth. After much deliberation and soul-searching, they realize surrogacy is their best option to build a family. Mental health professionals feel they must go through a grieving process to accept how their baby is coming into the world.
Often prospective mothers are concerned they won’t properly form an attachment with their babies if they have not carried them. Gay males who rely on surrogacy to become biological parents may have similar concerns.
Bonding during pregnancy
Pregnancy can be an emotionally delicate time for the intended mother who can still be grieving for her lost role.
Most intended parents (IPs) try to establish a good relationship with their surrogate, also called a gestational carrier, so that they can feel a part of the pregnancy. Reputable surrogacy agencies also try to ensure that the parents-to-be and gestational carrier and her family establish a healthy, meaningful relationship with each other.
The surrogate contract also will legally stipulate how communication about the pregnancy should occur. If the IPs live close, they can accompany their surrogate mother on doctor appointments and ultrasound visits. Smartphones and social media also allow parents and surrogate mothers who are physically distant from each other to know what is occurring while the baby grows in the surrogate’s womb. IPs can send audio recordings of their voices so their baby can hear them and become familiar with their sounds and words.
Bonding during birth and afterward
Unless there are unforeseen circumstances, such as premature birth, parents want to be present during the birth of their children. Hospitals, especially in California, have made accommodations for the IPs to be treated as the parents of the babies who are born, rather than bystanders, while at the same time meeting the needs of the gestational carrier who is giving birth.
The baby’s birth is an extremely emotional moment and the culmination of months and, perhaps, years when the surrogate mother and the intended parents worked together to bring the little one into the world. For the surrogate mother, transferring the baby to his or her parents is the emotional release she was looking for when she decided to become a gestational surrogate.
Breastfeeding
Some may be surprised to learn that moms through surrogacy can breastfeed their baby! It takes preparation and determination but is worth the effort for moms who want to experience the intimacy of breastfeeding their child and create a special body-to-body connection.
Preparation will entail taking hormones and herbal supplements to induce breast milk production. The intended mother should also prepare the hospital of her intentions as well as arrange to augment her breast supply with donated breast milk.
Every new parent needs to learn to bond with his or her baby. Though parents through surrogacy many have to take an unconventional path to parenthood, they will have a lifetime to love and nurture their child.
References:
https://www.conceiveabilities.com/about/blog/how-to-breastfeed-your-surrogate-born-baby